Changes in one year...

Its over year that i havent written anything on my blog...so i thought i should write something..

Many changes have taken place during this past one year...
My MIL expired....and my husband has gone to work in Bahrain...im alone taking care of my son
In fact im alone taking care of everything....every small thing ,every big thing...

Life has become very lonely ... it seems like im not living life,im just fulfilling my responsibilities...

LISTEN...

Thank you for always being there,
To listen and understand me.
I appreciate all you did for me,
And all you still do.

Thank you for making me feel whole again,
For putting my pieces back together.
I appreciate you putting my life back together,
You saved my life.

You may not understand,
Why I do what I do.
But you never criticized,
You just helped my through.

I knew I could come to you when I was down,
'cause I knew you'd always be there
to pick me back up and say everything will be ok...
( By Becky. )

Ps : dedicated to my husband.

MASOOM.

Got the lyrics of this beautiful song from the movie Masoom...!
Ps: These lyrics dont mean that im in a bad mood or something like that...it just one of my favourites..!

tujh se naaraaz naheen zindagee hairaan hoo main
tere maasoom sawaalon se pareshaan hoo main
jeene ke liye sochaa hee nahee dard sambhaalane honge
muskuraye to, muskuraane ke karz utaarane honge
muskuraoo kabhee to lagataa hai jaise hothhon pe, karz rakhaa hain
tujh se naaraaz ...
aaj agar bhar aayee hai boonde baras jaayegee
kal kyaa pataa in ke liye aankhe taras jaayegee
jaane kab gum huaa, kahaa khoyaa yek aansoo, chhupaa ke rakhaa thaa
tujh se naaraaz ...

Motivation..A New Begining..!

The whole world's broke .. and it ain't worth fixing.

It's time to start all over....Make a new beginning.

There's too much fighting - too little understanding.

It's time to stop and start all over....

Make a new beginning....!

VALENTINES DAY..!

LOVE is not when someone holds ur hand when thousands are with u....
But it is the TRUST which holds ur hand when thousands are against u... !!

Recipe For Two Lovers
Take happiness and laughter

mix thoroughly with romance Add hugs,n sprinkle with kisses.Bind with pleasure n bake with faithsevre with endless love...!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY !!

CHANGED TEMPLATE AND PROFILE....

Hmmm.....finally changed my blog template..! did it on my own! no help from anyone....the previous one was also good...but i had got bored of seeing the same things for such a long time...cso thought change was needed...and here i am...! happy with myself!!

BE WHAT U WANT TO BE....!

(I read this while browsing...and found it intresting...)

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything..

WELL SAID...!

"Our first and last love is.. SELF-LOVE!!"

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

All GOOD THINGS come to an end....

Only to give way to the better!

As we say GOODBYE to the passing year...

And welcome the NEW..!

May this NEW YEAR bring promises

of BRIGHTER AND HAPPIER times for u!!!.....HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!

moments CAPTURED !!!

Hisham trying to walk with support....he is very happy with his new found independent mobility!!!

Talking to his "girl friend" on phone...perhaps fixing up a date...hehe!!...he has his mom's purse round his neck to take care of the expenses anywayz!!!!...also teaching us how to hold the receiver of the Phone upside-down!! can hear better ...u c!

Busy surverying the fridge to check the stocks!!....u just open the fridge and he comes crawling as fast as he can from where ever he is...!

Merry in the Kitchen ....the little chef is preparing to lay out plates on the table!!!

Making a mess on the dining table....Riyaz made a clown out of him...sticking a flower on his temple and making a cap for him with the vessel lid!!

uhmmm....the closet seems to be of great interest to him...he spends lots of time...undoing the well folded clothes...!

Below the wash basin...thinking "oh God! why is thing so high!!

There are many more things which Hisham keeps doing all day...i wanted to capture them all....but some things happen so spontaneously...i cant be carrying the camera with me all the time...hehe!!

For instance...just day before yesterday....i had just turned my head after changing Hishams daiper and throwing it in the dust bin.....and when i saw him again what was he doing???.....sitting with all garbage over and around him....and what else???.....he had the Daiper which i had just discarded in his mouth....yukkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!....luckily i had folded the dirty thing well enough!!!hehe!!.....i should have taken a snap of that moment....so that i could show it to Hisham's grand children in future!!!...hahaaaa!!!!

Updates!

Day before yesterday thought of taking up CNS but Hisham kept me busy during the day and Riyaz did not allow me to sit up late in the night….had an argument with him about this before sleeping…had to leave CNS half done…

Yesterday took CVS,thought if this is done then I’ll finish GIT and Renal system also cuz these are small topics….but going into the depth of CVS was taking a lot of time….so started doing just the previous papers…finished GIT before slleping…today morning took Renal….At this pace I wont achieve anything…im sure…but still I’l try…better than wasting time the whole day….

Hisham’s activities are increasing day by day…he has become a full time paas.Entertains everyone- any visitor who comes home,any person on the roads when we go out,all salesmen n salesgirls in shopping malls….he smiles and ‘patoafies’ everyone!...but touch his chubby cheeks and he will start screaming…he hates people touching his cheeks!
He is crawing all over the house,previously he never used to enter the kitchen(the coirmat in front of the kitchen door ,I guess irritated him…so he used to stop there)…but now…he is everywhere….

The Water dispensor is something which fascinates him the most…as the finger trickles down his hands he enjoys!! Laughs n laughs!..im changing his clothes three four times in a day! ...the lil chap has his own likes and dislikes!

The best is Ather bhaiya(riyaz’ relative who stays with us)…plays race in crawling with him….as soon as ather bhaiya says ‘first-first’ Hisham takes his position and starts crawling,laughing to his might!!
He has learn to clap his hands…and when I say ‘give me five hishaam’ he raises his hand n places it in my hand…he imitates us when we do’aa chuchu yaha baith,dana kha, pani pi’…when he is doing some mischief and i stop him by saying " NO Hishaam" he starts swaying his head from side to side as if he himself is saying NO,NO hehe!!!....if he is not in mood to eat cerelac he just starts swaying his head 'NO.NO'....he looks very cute…my darling baby!

Now a days he is moving about the furniture with support…and is practicing to stand without support.It was 1 o’clock in the night of 11th march when he first stood without support…he was very proud of himself after doing so!! I immediately rang up my mom and told her that hisham is standing without support…she laughed and bleed him and said ‘tum hi nazar lagate rehte usko’ ...

Aaah! and how can i forget to mention his kisses!!...whenever my sweet cuddly baby is in full mood,excited over something,or just happy....he generously loads u with his gummy kisses!...there is no particular place for his kisses...they can fall anywhere....your nose,forehead,hair,mouth...anywhere!!!...this act of expressing his love is so cute that you forget the pools of his sticky saliva all over you!!...hehe!!!....love u shonuuu!love u junnuu! love you munnuuuu!!!!...ummmmmuh!

So with this All Time Entertainment…do I sit with books and miss these cute activities….NAH!!!!!

Had a nice day yesterday…domestic …but still cool ….tensionfree,hasslefree…

Got up in the morning….maid hadn’t turned up….prepared a quick breakfast for hubby,packed his lunchbox…he becomes extra affectionate whenever I have to make breakfast ect ..for him….such hai yaar-‘A mans way to heart is through his stomach’…hehe! …waved him bye…

Made a detailed breakfast for myself and my MIL…by then my baby awoke….now-a-days he has started fighting like sounds if he doesnt find his parents on waking up….so gave him hug…tried to cheer him….gave him a bath(have marveled in this field now!!!)
….fed him –banana mashed in milk…

Then he was busy with his playful ,inquisitive activities…Didn’t have to make lunch…SIL had sent lunch and it was sufficient enough to serve for dinner too...wow! what a relief !!!

Then logged in …. Had to return a few things to 'someone'….had this in my mind since long....it seemed as though I had a grrrrreat responsibility on my shoulders (let me mention- my tender shoulders..hehe!!)
Even while returning these things,I tried to be somewhat bitchy and vampish…hehe!!!...
I do not say that the 'person' was particulary fond of me or may be dint like me from the beginning itself…but to know it myself ….for sure that im being hated by that 'particular person' ….feels relaxing,somewhat……
But one thing yaar….i really wonder….when the person has soooooooooooo many other friends of same gender as me….and is constantly in touch with them all….then why was the ban imposed only on me???....may be im very dangerous….hehe!!...am i??....people who meet me,know me in person tell me that im a very mild kind of creature….is it all false??...
was it right that my baby was cursed….and when I just pretended to curse ‘the persons’ would be kids…I annoyed ‘the person’ enormously…no one ever cared to understand how I felt when my newborn was cursed ….reason behind the curse-I was being an enthusiastic new mom and was sharing my baby’s developments with someone I felt was my friend….but even my occasional smses were misunderstood(my smses were being ignored since feb….i had asked the reason in between….reply was ‘no reason’….how was I to understand that ignoring my sms post 18thjuly was something different….how was I to understand that this time it had a reason….i wanst told ,I had been irritating!!!)….my baby cursed,and I was made to feel like a big outlaw…

anyways…yesterday I have severed even the last few strings of the relation that had begun to take an ugly shape …though silent…now –hate me as best as u can for the rest of ur life….curse me ,not my child…

The evening was pleasant….hubby noticed that I was a little put off when he returned….he asked me if it was PMS…I said ‘no’….so he said ‘u are upset about something…its clear….lets go out for shopping.or just an outing’….i wanst in mood….but he insisted “ u wanted to shop for footwear since so many days,u haven t been to ur beautician also….lets do that,plus we will see what else we can do”.I got ready reluctantly…and we went…and must say….sudden ,undecided outings are much much better than the ones whish are previously planned.We had a nice time ….shopped footwear for myself and hisham,and took one bag for Riyaz…had dinner out….sat ,and played with Hisham at tankbund till midnight…then returned…and …
It was a good day after all…..with my family….with my tensions finished…wow!!! hahahaaa!!!

Finally!

Finally...did it!...6th March 2007.

"Go Away!"

This was something i needed to hear.My mind wouldnt agree on anything less than this....and i finally got to hear this...

I have been very rude,very impolite,very harsh.....abused,cursed,threatened,blackmailed....hurt someones emotions IMMENSELY....TORTURED,TORMENTED someones feelings....whatever possible i could do to make myself hear these words....i have done...

i have done it for my own sake...i did not mean any of the abuses or the curses

i had no rights to be so selfish....but i did it...somehow, i did it cuz i feel that living with someones hatred is much easier....so....i have invited hatred....hate me as best as u can....

yes,i had been a hard nut to crack

My six month old baby!!!

Days are just flying...Hisham is now six months old!!

my dear sweet little prince!!

love u beta!!


U have made my life beautiful my dear baby!!

I'm on my Way, Away

I know you love me
but I don't see you coming,
so I'll come to you;
I'm on my way.

I see you standing there;
so close but still barely out of reach;
I need to be closer to you, so
I'm on my way.

I know your kiss;
still remember tasting it on my lips;
oh how much I want that again;
Im on my way.

I hear your voice;
how perfect it sounds;
it is drawing me nearer;
I'm on my way.

I smell your cologne,
it just makes me melt;
even though I'm on my knees,
I'm on my way.

I can still feel your arms,
you swallowing me with one hug;
I'd die to feel them around me again;
I'm on my way.

I see you again, but hear someone else's voice;
I can smell a different perfume, and I feel the tears coming;
I turn away and one rolls down, I taste it on my lips;
I'm on my way, away.

I don't have to be able to touch you,
but please don't abandon me;
I guess if we can-t be friends I'm leaving;
I'm on my way, away.

I've moved up wind away from you;
I cant smell your sweet scent anymore;
I still have my back to you; I'm leaving;
I'm on my way, away.

She has probably dropped you;
I hear you calling;
I wanna leave you but I can't, so baby
I'm on my way.

Only a moment until I can taste your kiss;
I can still only see you,
yet I already taste happiness;
I'm on my way.

I see you smile at me,
for a moment everything is right;
Then I see her coming back so I walk off,
I'm on my way, away.

It's hurt me so bad, leaving the first time, coming back, and leaving again;
I don't want to look at you, or hear your perfect voice;
I'm leaving you, and hopefully never coming back;
I'm on my way, away.

I know I'll get better; time heals all wounds;
but how long is it gonna take?
I'll never forget you completely but know that
I'm on my way, away.

MY BABY!!

HISHAM..we named him.He came into this world on 13th july...to fill our lives with joy.

He is so tiny miny...small small,delicate,chubby ,soft-soft,pink -pink....just cant believe that he was the one who had been giving me all those kicks!!!...hehe!

THANK U GOD once gain...for Hisham.Hope we be good parents to him...and hope he has a good life.!

oops....kicks!!

yesterday...2 April 2006 has been very special for me,my sweetheart hubby...and our baby!!

I have been perceiving my baby's movements since couple of month now...but now those little taps have changed into little kicks!!...
and my would be baby is usually more active when i want to rest...when ever it would kick...I would tell my hubby ,and he would quickly keep his hand over my tummy ,leaving behind all work he would be doing...hoping to feel the baby's kicks..!!,,hehe!!

But he never could feel...the baby would become silent by then...and the poor would be dad...would make a long face ...disappointed...hehe!

I would try to pacify him ...saying ..."our baby likes to play HIDE N SEEK with u,sweetheart,thats why he hides inside mommy when u try to catch it"..hehe!!

YESTERDAY night...as soon as i lay down ...the baby started its activity....I quickly but gently placed my hubby's hands on my tummmy....AND HE FELT THE BABY!!!...

My dear was sooooo happy,excited and thrilled to feel his baby....he placed his ears now to feel and hear better(leaving me uncomforatble with his heavy head on me)....so i asked him to move....but the baby' dad was not still satisfied,he again [laced his hand on me...and baby was also responding to his dad so well...both played like this till 1o'clock in the night....

its was so nice.... such a wonderful feeling....seeing my partner play with the would be baby....*touchwood*...THANK U GOD!

Would b baby BLUES!..WHAT DO I DO!!

The other day we had a departmental meeting,after the meeting i was chatting with a collegue of mine(mother of 3 kids)

She asked me " which month now(of pregnancy)"
I said " Sixth month has just started "
She gave me astonished looks and expressions and said " You dont look like you are gonna start 6th month na "..seeing directly at my tummy...!
I tried to make excuses and said " nahi ,nahi,aisa nahi hai...i'm wearing a loose coat na today,may be thats the reason its not obvious "
But she wasnt conviced with my explaination ,gave me a dissatisfied look and said " Noo!....even then ,u dont look like..."
Finally i asked her what should do to..look like
She said " EAT!! "....ok,okkk...

The other day i saw Hritik Roshan's wife' pic in the news paper(i think she is in her 8th month)...her tummy is really sooo big...i wonder what the lady is eating...hehee!!

Again yesterday my sister in law had visited her...thank God she was cautious enough not to stare directly at my tummy,but she did notice it..
Thats the reason she said " U dont seem to have put on weight,the way you should have by now...tell me did your weight increase in the last check up? "
I said " No "(infact it had decreased a lil last month,but i didnt tell her)
She said "EAT..everything,dont bother about weight gain now,you will reduce after delivery..but now EAT every now and then.

This did not end there...my sweet SIL then said " the new born will be FAIR if u EAT plenty of Pomogranates and Apples "
To this my dear MIL also made her contribution and added " baby will be fair if u DRINK milk Kesar(Saffron) "...ok,okkk...

NOW, how do i explain to my dear dear people that beacuase this is my first pregnancy ,the tone of my abdominal muscle will be very good and thats the reason my tummy is not sooo visible as of now...it will become obvious in the later months of pregnancy!! what do i do to make my self..LOOK LIKE PREGNANT!!

AND...colour of the baby will be depend on the genes genes he inherits!!!...THANK GOD!!they did not ask me to apply FAIR N LOVELY on my tummy saying that it would penetrate my skin,uterine wall etc and show its effect on the baby...heheee!!!

BUT....whats so wrong even if my baby is born dark chocolate coloured..BIG DEAL??!!....it still remains mine!!

My mommy dear is nitting a sweater for the baby...shoo shweet!!( though i didnt like the colour of the wool she has chosen)and my MIL has asked me not to scratch my tummy even if i feel itchy or else it will give me ugly strech n scratch marks...This is a good sweet advice!

Anyways......HAPPY HOLI TO ALL MY FRIENDS!!!....ENJOY!!!!

Feeling Better!!

(one of the Medical Representatives gave me small booklet by name “Choti choti baatien”…I liked a few things in there…thought of posting one of them…)

** When you are feeling down,
Focus your thoughts on this question.
What can you do that would help you feel better?
Instead of filling your mind with doubt,self pity,resentment,regret and despair,
Fill it with thoughts and plans for moving positively forward.

There is something that will take your focus off, of whatever has already happened and direct your thoughts firmly towards the best of what can be.

Pay no attention to how you’re supposed to feel or how you’re expected to feel.
Decide for yourself how good you would like to feel,and then take the steps that will get you there.
It will likely be much easier than you think.
For once you choose to feel better,
It quickly begins to happen.
It sounds too simple to be true,yet it works with surprising and delightful effectiveness.
When you decide to help yourself feel better,you will.

What can you do that will help you feel better?
You’re just a moment away from making it happen!! **

LONG BREAK!!

Writing the blog after soooo many days…all this while have been missing my blog,and all my blog friends..and now that iam writing ,I don’t know how to start again…hehe!!
Okkk..i’ll just highlight few things that have happened since my last post…these r not in an order just penning down what ever is coming in my mind first…

*Highlights*

- Mom and Dad have returned from my bhaiya’s place…when they were leaiving India I was thinking that I couldn’t live without them for two months…but thanks to my lovely inlaws and my friends…I didn’t feel their absence much…two months just flewoff …mom n dad r again here in Hyderabad,beside me when ever I need them…

- My Bhaiya has been blessed with a cute baby boy.We named him Zuhair.I liked my new nephew so much that I see his pic almost 5-6 times daily ..hoping to give Zuhair a cousin as cute as him!!…hehee!!

- Enjoyed a lottttt with my guest…this bhabi had two kids and they were a good timepaas…The younger one (1an 1/2 yrs old),was so cute ,naughty and lovable…he kept us all busy with his activities….very fond of ball,balloons , learning to talk …made us laugh with his baby talk….i had become so attached with this family….cried a lot when they were leaving yesterday..


- Have gone for my checkups regularly…and have gained 2kgs weights till now…
Everyone at home wants me to change my Gynaecologist now….I was seeing Dr.Padma’latha till now…but she doesn’t have her own nursing home…so my people want me to visit Fernandez Hospital(a renowed one here)for this months checkup…changing the doctor has made me more superstitious…somehow…I had begun to feel very safe in Dr.Latha hands….anyways…have to change..


- Have cancelled my plan of appearing for Plab…I could prepare…and without any preparation I don’t want to go all the way to Mumbai …to have a practice of taking an exam again…am sad about it…but I could do much about it….i started sitting in the library after my job for studying….but my inlaws and parents were feeling that I am being careless and straining myself too much…so finish…that ends it there

- 14 th Feb this was my first time I celebrated Valentines Day!!…last year my hubby wasn’t in India…the whole day he was with me only…he had post duty off that day…..accompanied me to my hospital also and sat in the library there.Later in the evening we went to Lumbini Park,did boating there…then had dinner …BUT…..i had one of the pregnancy mood swings that day…..i don’t understand why I was off that day…he did so many things for me …but I just didn’t enjoy it that day….made his day also miserable…then next day…when I thought about it…felt very guilty,and apologized.

These pregnancy mood swing r really verrrry bad….in one such state of off mood I had begun to dislike this baby in my womb…just started feeling that I don’t want to live,I want to end my life ,wanted to run away to some place where no one recognizes me and this baby seemed like a burden,because of which I had to live…then later realized that it’s a sin…God please Forgive me for letting these stupid thoughts enter my mind…Sorry God..



- 4 kittens had made entry into our home…Actually theirs is a sad strory…the mom cat was killed by a street dog…may be in a fight to protect her kittens…so these orphan kitten came over here….we were giving them milk ..since no ne was there to feed them and protect them…but I am so scared of cats that I didn’t even touch them once…and would be jumping when ever they passed from near me….Now only one is remaining(this one also remains out usually just come for milk)….two of them were stolen…and our maid took away the third one cuz she has many rats in her home…!

- Have Gone to the Annual Exhibition here in hyd 4 times…I like going to the exhibition!!!..still like the swings,magic shows,stalls from all over India,the Dogs show,Mouth ka kuwa..etc etc..

Have seen the Nizams Jewels…...wow!!!! …amazing collection…great riches!!..i think ladies those days really dint have much work….just getting decked up from head to toe….but must say….wow!! wow!!

Have seen two movies-Rang de Basanti and The Angrez...liked both of them...Rang de Basanti is too good!



- Received fone call twice from Geo, and thankfully have been in regular touch with him…the first time he called…I was on my way back home and could hardly hear him…the second time,it was very clear…and dear Geo…U have a very mature masculine mota mota voice….hehe!!

- chatted with Jithu once.My dear friend Sujit has been sending offlines…he is now in US …May God bless him with all success..Another very close friend of mine Maseer has left for US…he too was a gem pal!

- and TODAY is Mitesh’s Engagement…he is getting engaged to Dimple…Iam soooo happy for my sweet friend…may u both make a wonderful couple together….the party might be going on right now,and they might all be dancing…I miss it so much…no problem.., u dance in mumbai and I’ll dance for u both here in Hyderabad….AJA WE MAAHI LETS DO BALLE!! BALLE!!….hehee!!....Congrates dear!!!!